Together in Paris

I love my hair.

2011-08-25T16:02:00.000+02:00

I like to play with my hair when I'm doing my homework so it really distracts me, so I went to bun up my hair just now with a clip and now I'm hair is all wavy and curly #yaylife #naturalcurls

I shall do the same tomorrow in the morning and tell everyone that I went to perm my hair LOL

Difficult.

2011-08-25T13:44:00.000+02:00

"I really think that being you is so difficult."

I cried when I heard her say that. She told me that twice already. Yes, I'm really very tired of all these. I can't wait to graduate so I can start anew.

"Why is it so difficult to just be myself?"

I want to sew up your mouth.

2011-08-25T13:40:00.000+02:00

Can you just shut up? The moment you decided to tell him the things I told you, you would've guessed that I would find out sooner or later. Ergo, our ending was predictable. You should be thankful that I didn't confront you straight in your face and let others know what you've done. You can say whatever you want about me because I can't be bothered.

I'm mature enough to tolerate.

#oneday

2011-08-25T13:34:00.001+02:00

I gave the name #oneday cuz I told myself if #oneday when I'm prettier, I would confess; if #oneday when you didn't had someone you liked, I would confess; if #oneday when I had higher self-esteem, I would confess; if #oneday I knew you would be mine, I would confess; if #oneday would actually come, I would confess.

I gave the name #oneday cuz I don't know if that day will ever come, so I didn't fix a date but instead, left it as #oneday. "One day I'll become rich," see my point? You don't know when you're going to be rich but you hope that you would be one day.

"I know very well that one day will never come, but it's okay, I never expected anything from you."

Lovely day

2011-08-23T16:20:00.000+02:00

The previous entry was wasted on someone who doesn't deserves my time so here's a compensation for it.

I saw my eyecandy twice today, close up; and once when he was outside his classroom, and that is very amazing because I usually don't see him outside his classroom cuz he either leaves too early or too late.

On the outside, I was like

"Let me through, dude. You're blocking my way."

but on the inside, I was like

"MAKE TIME FREAKING STOP PLEASE OH MY GOD"

P.S.: I am amazed that ktay can actually do the XD face, so cute, I swear, haha!

"Just being able to catch a glimpse of you everyday is already good enough for me. I've learnt how to give and be contented with what I have."

Happy day

2011-08-23T15:32:00.001+02:00

Today is a happy day except that it got ruined by some news towards the end of the day. I really do not understand what you mean by referring to her as one of your better friends. In case your mentality on "better" friends is screwed up, let me correct you - no one does that kind of thing to their friends. I do not know what's your motive for acting like the victim and making everyone pity you, but I'm not going to change my stand. I wanted to, like really and sincerely, make up with you since it's our last year already. However, now that things has turned out this way, I can't be bothered to do anything anymore. Even if I forgive you, I definitely can't forget and things wouldn't return like how they were before. Let's just erase our footsteps from each others lives when we graduate, shall we? It will be doing a favour for all of us.

“是你的就是你的，不是你的就不是你的。要快乐，就要放下。对于这点，我认为我比谁都清楚。我也很想自己活得快乐点，但我没有勇气放下。”

今天我看到了一些东西，让我非常地心疼。但那一幕使我更加清楚自己是没有资格和别人比的。

Oral tomorrow.

2011-08-21T14:32:00.001+02:00

Yes, as the title suggests, I have O level English Oral tomorrow, and I have yet to start on any revision. I'm still doing my homework and I don't have enough time, omg, what do I do now.

I was very on task, at least until 7pm, lol.

I have issues with myself.

2011-08-21T13:45:00.001+02:00

I think everyone, in a way or another, will have self-esteem issues with themselves at some point in their life, no? Well, I'm the same as everyone else. I don't dare say what I really feel or do what I really want because I think I look really ugly. I only feel better and more confident when I'm in contacts and pretty clothes. I vaguely remember myself as a very happy and confident person when I was in primary school, but now, not really. Maybe I'm under the impression that ugly people always get rejected after having several similar experiences like that, so that's why, I guess.

Most of the time, I only get treated nicely when I think I look nice. When in school, where I couldn't care less about how I look, I'm nothing. Okay, on a positive note, that changed this year so I'm quite glad about it but I still couldn't bring myself to be confident, yet. That is why I don't dare to read the graduation speech and speak in front of the class. I'm worried.

About me being sad cuz my eyecandy MIGHT not be attending prom is really the truth, though not disappointed to the extent that I would cry. But I really wanted to take a photo with him before I graduate. #oneofmygraduationwish People tell me to take it with him on graduation day but no, I can't bring myself to. Why? For fear of rejection. I want to give him the impression that I am a pretty senior that once went googoogaga over him. I wanted to doll myself up really pretty on that day and approach him confidently for a photo, but now that he MIGHT not be going, my plan kinda got ruined. Sigh, I really really really don't want to look ugly in front of him!!!

This is a pretty long post so here's a nice gif to explain how low my self esteem is.

Burn self-esteem.

Too slow to catch up with time.

2011-08-20T16:56:00.002+02:00

There's not enough time. There's too much things for me to complete. What do I do now, gah.

My eyecandy might not be going to prom.

2011-08-20T16:05:00.001+02:00

The moment when someone told me that, I felt sad.

So I told that person,

And for my dearest eyecandy, why aren't you going?

I thought it would be the perfect chance for me to take a photo with you before I graduate T__T

It's okay, really, I'm just sad, that's all. I'll get over it, I guess.

Nah, I was just over-reacting. But I'm sad ok, really!!!

Love you, eyecandy! LOLJK

respective gifs cr. to niabieberfeverx3

Why do I always feel invisible?

2011-08-20T13:47:00.000+02:00

All this has got to stop.

"Even when I'm walking on a wire, even when I set myself on fire, why do I always feel invisible?"

Thanksgiving.

2011-08-20T12:44:00.000+02:00

Despite many thorns and pricks in life, I still have to be thankful for all the love around me. I'm very thankful to be in my current class because we're like a family.

I've done up the list of people that I would be giving graduation day letters, gifts and hugs. I can't wait for graduation day, but I'm scared I'll end up crying.

"Just stand beside me, smile, look good and don't cry can already =)"

Oh, is that so?

2011-08-20T11:47:00.001+02:00

Would you be happier if I am an anti-social who has no friends but you? I've already limit myself to minimal contact with him and trying my best to make myself sound fierce so he would think that I'm not a nice person to talk to or that I'm born a bitch. I've done all these for you and what do I get back in return?

EDIT: He most probably hates me now. But maybe it was my fault too, why of all things, I chose to be mean? Oh well, gah. /frustrated

"You can only do this to me if I'm superhero. But even superheroes have their breaking limits."

What?

2011-08-20T11:26:00.002+02:00

???

What was that? Seriously.

if that makes you happy.

2011-08-20T10:40:00.001+02:00

I think that's what life is about. You take, and in return, you have to give. For now, it seems that it's time for me to hug you and say goodbye, so goodbye and thanks for the memories. I'm sure we had fun with each other, but forever doesn't last, so we'll just have to accept it and move on. I don't know how and why things turned out this way, and I swear I never wanted it to turn out like this. But what can I do now that it has happened? Actually nothing would help so yes, I would miss you a lot, cuz you're my best friend, now and forever.

"We even promised the future we'll have together, but no, sometimes it doesn't work like this."

Mean.

2011-08-20T09:43:00.003+02:00

Maybe I'm mean by doing this, but I had to get my point across your bird-brained head, no?

Today is an amazing day.

Discovered.

2011-08-19T16:27:00.001+02:00

Apparently, finally someone discovered this "supposedly-secret" blog of mine, haha! Not bad siol!

h e l l o to my first blog reader!!!

Okay, I promised someone to sleep early today so I shall finish up my book and sleep soon, haha!

Fading stars.

2011-08-19T13:23:00.001+02:00

Compared to someone you've known and been close to for months, you rather believe someone who you just got close to. The long overnight phone calls, the lengthy messages, all I did was to just want you to trust me. Yet, you believed her. I ruined her life? What about mine? I trusted her yet she did this to me. Put yourself in my shoes, please.

If you really think I'm the villain and she's the victim and that her life is ruined cuz of me, then bring her to prom. Don't ask me. I never wanted to go with you in the first place anyway. Just had to convince you to go to prom and that's it.

Liar liar skirts on fire.

2011-08-19T13:18:00.002+02:00

I trusted you enough to keep it a secret. You're the first person I ever told and this is what I get in return. I don't think I can face you properly anymore, sorry and I admit I can't trust you like before anymore.

"Why do people in this world, lie?"

Please don't interfere.

2011-08-18T15:06:00.002+02:00

I'm sorry but I've decided not to answer your calls. I don't want to get myself angry over things like these. It's okay if you don't know how it feels to be me, but do not judge me and my friends base on what others tell you.

"Today is a happy day, well, at least until 8pm."

I should stop expecting but I can't help but to do that.

2011-08-17T16:59:00.003+02:00

Really? No more false hopes please. I'm really sick and tired of them. Let me know soon before I disappear into eternity.

"I'll still be waiting, I guess."

To hell with problems.

2011-08-17T15:48:00.000+02:00

I was really looking forward to this whole thing but now everyone's suddenly changing their minds for I don't know what reason. It's not that I'm mad, I'm just really disappointed. I thought it would be really memorable for all of us, but I guess you people just don't think that way.

"What more can I say when your hearts are set?"

Sorry that I have to lie.

2011-08-17T15:21:00.001+02:00

I'm not crying because of that. It's something else, and I cried so badly because I can feel his pain.

"There are people around us, who seem happy with their life. But have you ever wondered how hard it was for them to force out that smile and pretend that everything is ok? It took up every last bit of their shattering souls."

I secretly hope, but I'm scared.

2011-08-17T14:10:00.000+02:00

As most of you probably know, sales for prom night started today and there goes the start of the finding of prom date, okay, maybe not for everyone. I accidentally got myself one, and I swear I regretted it since it just feels really odd. I don't know what to do now, and I'm not done with Mr Lim's scrapbook yet.

"What are you thinking, really?"

Moving on in two months

2011-08-16T14:03:00.002+02:00

Papers signed, everything's confirmed. Goodbye and thanks for the memories.

"What do you mean by that?"

Everything is going to be alright. Maybe not today, but eventually.

2011-08-14T11:37:00.001+02:00

My friends are all sad and I don't really know what I can do except offer them a shoulder to cry on. I know no one can be happy forever, so I will not forcibly ask them to cheer up. Sometimes all of us just needs to cry our hearts out instead of bottling all our feelings inside. Instead of telling them "hey, cheer up!", why not offer them a shoulder to cry on? To have someone by your side when you're down, it's the best thing anyone could wish for.

To my friends who are either troubled by relationship, studies, friendship or family matters,
everything is going to be alright. Maybe not today, but eventually. The journey of recovering will hurt, but I'll help you lessen the pain. If you ever need me, I promise I'll be there. Sometimes I hide in the shadow where you can't see, but when you need me, you know I'll always be there, right next to you.

I should disappear to the centre of the Earth.

2011-08-14T09:44:00.002+02:00

I swear my jaw dropped when I saw this girl on facebook. Her eyes are so big, her face is so small, her nose is so koreanish and her skin is so fair. Oh and besides that, she plays 琵琶 #jealousdieme

Jacqueline Ho Rui En - get your jaws dropped today.

"Can't you just try and like me back?"

I think I'm Patrick.

2011-08-14T09:27:00.000+02:00

Gah, why am I so dumb. I don't understand lessons and don't dare to ask anyone cuz I don't want anyone to think that I'm stupid. Alamak, I swear I have a super big ego for a girl omg. I really needa change this attitude of mine soon if not I'm never going to improve, hmmmmmmmm.

Does anyone know what is reachable in chinese? :o

Why am I so afraid to lose you when you're not even mine?

2011-08-14T08:39:00.001+02:00

I shall stop with the sad posts because I think I'm revealing too much already, hmmmmmm.

August has been a really busy month for me - from rushing out touching graduation speeches all the way to preparing for my preparatory exams. So far I'm quite on task but I still have a whole list of things that I've yet to do!

Someone's birthday is coming up and I doubt XD will be able to give any good suggestions
I have yet to write graduation letters
I have yet to buy graduation gifts
I have not started on my revision yet

Okay, it isn't that much but when it comes to things from point one to three, I am VERY serious about it being perfect. I don't know why, but I think things like these are really important and memorable so if it is within my capabilities, I'll definitely try and make the best out of it. However, it obviously takes A LOT of time, and I don't have much time left.

Sigh, I'm not superwoman, I can't race against time. Oh well, I shall try my best and see what I can do. #icandoit #independentgirl

"See how ignorant you are?"

Why? Because I'm not the kind of girl guys fall in love with

2011-08-14T08:07:00.000+02:00

If anyone could read my mind, they'd be in tears.

"Cuz you're just a boy, you don't know how it hurts."

What is wrong with me

2011-08-14T07:41:00.000+02:00

I'm not supposed to feel sad because it didn't belonged to me in the first place.

I just presume too much. I should stop, really, but do you know how hard it is to just stop suddenly?

"Expectations hurt a lot."